“You look like Bjork, but better!”

There's no doubt in my mind some accidental babies were conceived when too many little black dresses saw the right faded jeans, spit cup and button-down combo.

All the heavenly prose in the world can't save you from being a complete idiot.

Nobody stayed long enough for me to get a good report together but OH MY SH!T did things happen in rapid succession.

I forgot where I left off. Where one day begins, and others end. Weeks and months blur thanks to the endless stream of YouTube playlists and official soundtracks. I'm in full Belichick mode.

In the almost criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups. The bouncers who investigate IDs and the general populace who shame users in line. These are their stories.

Betwixt the sea of Corona mass commissions and tequila sun salutations, Andy danced from table to table asking for the sweet, sweet pills. How much Adderall comes with a $40 payment? Enough, apparently. But Andy was hiding a secret.

Graduation is a time to celebrate being smarter, but only while in a classroom. The street smarts are learned much later, and even when you're older, you still don't quite understand them.

The weather is warming up, and I'm looking forward to not wearing long johns this weekend. Hopefully, the IDs will be flowing like the tears of last week's minors. (OK, only one of them fake cried).

This oncoming third or fourth winter is why I'm deciding to cheer myself, and yourselves, up with what's making me laugh. Some of you may chuckle or find it mind-numbingly dumb, or if you're like me, in tears.

I stopped myself from doing something terrible - co-opting a Wu-Tang Clan song and replacing the lyrics with my own from the events of last weekend. Let's not appropriate things from the hip-hop community as much as possible.

When in doubt, haiku it out.