Ratchet Activities By Dignified People

Graduation is a time to celebrate being smarter, but only while in a classroom. The street smarts are learned much later, and even when you're older, you still don't quite understand them.

Too many moms and dads threw their weight around a bar that, on its face, seems like a pushover. We're loud, obnoxious, inexpensive and young.

But we're not pushovers.

We don't look it, but we're strict. Well, I look it, but I am not the building.

Out-of-town dads are the worst. They either start their sentences with "I thought this was America," or "That's not the law where I'm from."

America. We're all pretty much from America. Unless you're foreign, at which point you're likely a much more well-rounded individual.

When a fresh graduate girl in a group of mom, dad, cousin, older brother and I think grandma says, "I want to not be blurry." They're down for some shitty behavior.

Speaking of shitty behavior, here are the five Fake ID stories from last week.

Fake ID No. 1 (390): Take it to the Limit

She had a fake New York. The old one that's flimsy, not the new one with the window. I found out a surefire way to tell how older New York IDs are fake. No, not because they look like they just got printed at Kinkos (is that still a place?). It turns out, they all have the same font.

On their signatures.

Now that's just lazy.

But it was early on a Friday and I still wanted to have some fun. 

I asked her how old she was, knowing that she looked 17 and not, wait for it ... 26.

Yep. The Whole Nine Years. After the fourth time of her saying 25, I asked ONE MORE TIME. 

And she replied, "24?"

Great show. Wrong answer.

Fake ID No. 2 (391): Lucy Lawless

I hate being asked, "Do you know the law?" It's a profoundly dumb question. Yes, I know the law. That's why I'm confiscating your ID. Because you also know the law and are currently breaking it. No, I am not the police. Call them if you like. I'll wait and we'll see which one of us is in trouble.

I'm waiting...

Fake iD No. 3 (392): Oldie But a Baddie

"I don't know where my birth certificate is," is not a valid excuse to use another person's ID regardless if you're 35 years old.

You know the law, to a point. A point you're willing to cross in broad daylight.

Fake ID Nos. 4 (393 & 394): 2 Live Crew

These guys were a gift. A fake Ohio and a fake Michigan go together like a Buckeye and a Wolverine - easy to know their both full of bullshit.