Engelbert Drunkerdink

These stories should tie you hooligans over until St. Patrick's Day, or St. Paddy's Day as the correct kids call it. It will be my first time working at the bar during the Old Irish-American Holiday. Please send your thoughts and prayers my way. 

My Mom is Awesome

Oliver Queen (Green Arrow) to Clark Kent: "You sit around in domestic bliss, curled up on a couch while a world of trouble spins outside your door."

All J-Dogs Go to Heaven

George McCrae, along with Gnarls Barkley, Collective Soul, KC and the Sunshine Band, Dave Matthews Band, and others helped me in more ways than I could think. These artists wrote songs before I was born that shaped my lifestyle when I was 17, 18 and beyond.

The Game is Afoot

Michigan fakes are becoming easier to spot. Apparently, Teslin became easy to print on or something, because they're everywhere. And most often the font is mismatched; the feel is either too rigid or too matte. If reports are accurate that people are paying $150 for this new crop, then they're being ripped off harder than duct tape off a made-for-TV movie hostage.

Ensnared

On a cold night, I have plenty of clothing, so I am unaffected by the elements. Food obviously is taken care of before during and after. Shelter comes in the form of an old brick building with the heat on, and the windows fogged up.

Nothing Good Happens After Midnight

Your brain at night doesn't know the law. It has no desire but to keep you warm and fuzzy and at rest in its normal sleeping position. That's laying down. Whether or not it's on your bed, someone else's, or the floor of a jail cell is up to your conscious behavior.

Sick Day

Being sick is stupid. I've traded off between DayQuil and NyQuil, chicken soup and a half-gallon of orange juice. And I only feel marginally better.

Big Momma's House 5

I do not understand why, after a few drinks, some loud music and electronic fractals of light, someone decides to clench their fist, pull back and drive until contact with skin, soft tissue or bone.