Things a Bar Isn't
A pipsqueak of a human tried to rush into the bar yelling that she's 21.
Actually, 23, her friend exclaimed.
But she came in from the rain missing one vital aspect her claim - the ID.
"I'm 21! I'm 21! I don't have to show you anything!"
"Call the law! Get them down here. I can prove it. I'll show them pictures."
"Call the LAW! I'll call my attorney and you can deal with the LAW!"
"It worked at the movie theater!"
A bar is not a movie theater.
A bar is also not a doctor's office.
"What's the co-pay?"
"Do you mean cover?"
"Um ... maybe."
A bar is not a rural farmhouse in Nebraska.
"Are you the guard dog?"
A bar is not a 4-hour waystation.
"How much for a Hennessy and Coke?"
"We don't have Hennessy."
"You have Crown (Royal)?"
"Yes."
"How much for that and coke?"
"Six dollars."
"Well, I don't have that!"
...
"Do you know what a bubble do?"
"What does a bubble do?"
"It formulate. It rise up. Then. IT BURSTS!"
"I'm not done formulating yet. So I ain' burst yet. But I'm about to at 1:30. Then we're going to have a talk. But you best stop pointing at me and disrespecting females. I see you with your umbrella. Disrespectful. You a MAN. You gon' BURST. I see you."
Three hours and 45 minutes later the man leaves. He was not present nor did I burst at 1:30. He did finagle about 40 free cigarettes, though, albeit after he finished his half-drunk bottle of Hennessy he was holding during the entire opening conversation.
A bar is not a changing room.
A bar is not a fight club.
A bar is not a bread bin.
A bar, or rather my bar, is not a haven for minors.
A bar is not a sanctuary city.
A bar is not a roadside Tim Hortons.
A bar is not Thunderdome.
A bar is not a deli.
So why do people keep getting confused?
Friday Fake No. 1 (253): Oregon Trail
Date: October 13, 2017
Weather: Cool
Health: Good
Food: 100 Pounds
Next Landmark: 0 Miles
Everyone in your party has died
Many fake wagons fail to make it to my bar.
Friday Fake No. 2: (254): What's in a name?
Was it Stephanie or Stephi? Either way, Facebook says it's Amanda.
Saturday Fakes Nos. 1 & 2 (255 & 256): Pennsylvania 2-0000
That's the state where the fakes were from, the amount of the fakes in one sweep and the combined IQ of dudebros holding said fakes.
