Thirteenth Night

It starts with a man in a black hoodie.
Hidden, he hands me the chosen plastic,
Persistent, so sure and so wrong at once,
He bravely states that he is the right man
But I, skeptic, press on and ask simply,
What is the spelling of your middle name?
And please do speak up so that I may hear.
Theodore, he said. Spell it I corrected.
The H follows the T, proceeds the E,
Moves to the D, and then the O, Next R,
Ending on the last E once more, vigorously.
But he forgets the second vowel O.
And his night ends in a shameful retreat.

The tall woman walked up to the gate,
Her head buried by a sea of dark hair.
I have lost my earring, and I need to
Find it before I start drinking, she said.
But where was her other earring you say?
Also missing, if it ever was there
To start. That’s me she said. Beyond belief,
As she was far too tall for five-foot-three.
What do I need to prove it’s me, she said?
Other forms or even a phone would do.
Those are back at the hotel. Five minutes.
Waiting, waiting, her group has yet to move.
Still waiting, they decide to wear me down.
Ain’t gonna work, sister. I’ve got all the
Time in the world to outlast your tantrum.

Before three quick fake cards from the mitten,
Was the blonde bombshell and handfuls of cheese.
Disrespectful to health concerns, she dove
Right in with one goal in her mind. White gold.
Or Colby Jack if you prefer. One sweep
In and down the sidewalk, she went steadfast
Toward the gate. Miss, the cheese. It’s too much.
What, she isn’t allowed to feed herself?
That is not the issue here. Who does this?
Who behaves this way in public? Dairy
Is not a crux to hold your drunk antics,
It is a gift of the supreme divine
People of Wisconsin. And I shall not
Let you tarnish their good name for your ill
Gotten thin shreds of moral indecency.
She goes back now, willing to pay a pair
Of dollars for the pleasure of repeat
Inebriated action. She turns and says,
Fuck You! And Fuck Your Cheese! We stop. We stare.
Dumbfounded because it wasn’t my cheese.