I'm in the middle of a double (job) that's also in the middle of a double (days with multiple jobs). This post will be quick.

The weather is warming up, and I'm looking forward to not wearing long johns this weekend. Hopefully, the IDs will be flowing like the tears of last week's minors. (OK, only one of them fake cried).

No. 384: The Indiana Jumper

First, she jumped to the head of the line off of a party bus, then when her ID got taken away, she climbed over the gate and tried to run her way through the bar. She got ... 10 feet. The party bus was the second wave of an overall celebration, so I kicked them out, too.

No. 385: Bottleshock

"You mean I can't bring this in? It's closed," the boy said of the beer bottle in his hoodie.

No, dipshit. And I'm taking your friend's fake.

No. 386: Crawler Falter

Right down the line, they went. Pub crawlers one, two, three and four. But what's this with No. 5? Everyone else in the crawl is celebrating graduation and 21 or 22 years old. And from the same state. But you're 25 years old and from Ohio? Neeeerp.

No. 387: Little Black Dress

This LBD was one of 5 friends joining the 21st birthday party of a woman in red. There was one extra friend who chose not to participate and the boyfriend of the woman in red.

The LBD was beautiful. Not to put down the ID she used, who was okay, but it was like Ariana Grande using the ID of the power hitter who scared Jon Lovitz in A League of Their Own.

Anyway, I asked her if she may have gotten the IDs mixed up, giving her a sign and an out that I know what's up. She declined and said it was hers. Height, weight, eye color, general upkeep notwithstanding.

Long story short she did not get to celebrate with her friends and the birthday boyfriend came up to me and offered $60. He then walked down the street, dejected, but not before flipping off a car which had the right of way.

No. 388: Instasham

No matter how many angles you use, your Instagram account will not let you off the hook when using a shorter girl's ID. Maybe the other way around with some Spike Lee angles, but she didn't have that type of production.

No. 389: The Two Patels

Same ID. Same Height. Same bloodline. Same Bar. Really? If this is the best trick up your sleeve you need to watch more movies.

Two guys thought it would be funny to jump over the gate after running from the brewery across the street.

It being nasty ass cold outside, my sense of humor was quite low.

I made them walk back to where they started running and told them I wouldn't let them in without properly walking through the gate like a normal person.

One of the guys responded, "I feel like such a sheep person."

Not a cheap person.

A. Sheep. Person.