Getting down to brass tacks right from the get go. I saw U2 over the weekend. They played my favorite song. Everything at the bar last weekend now holds little meaning.

Fake No. 221: Reverse ATM

Poor girl came up to use the ATM and left handing me a gaudy Michigan fake ID. She didn't even want to drink! 

Fake No. 222: Mr. Side Burns

When your sideburns overshadow your ears, and there's still no shadow, it's just time to throw that fake right in the trash can. 

Fake No. 223: 5-feet-10 pounds of crazy in a 5-1 bag

This wasn't a typo. She didn't misspeak when turning her ID into the DMV. She just straight up tried to get away with using a girl's ID NINE inches shorter than she was. 

Fake No. 224: All White Everything

Even the lies. This crew got out of the Uber with a red Solo cup full of empty promises and a beer bottle left smack dab in the middle of the street. 

Surely they were just making a detour from the local MENSA chapter. Kudos, however, for them trying to wait me out. Eventually, the youngest came up and it was no contest. That ID bent and peeled faster than a banana at a Jamba Juice.

Next week I'm going for the Freshman 15. Fifteen IDs - including eight in one night - to break my daily and weekend record with the new crop of college kids thinking we're the easy bar.

Until then, 'll leave you with Bono.