Merch Madness: Setting the Stage

I don’t know how many t-shirts counts as “too many t-shirts” but I’m probably near that limit. My closet (read: spare bedroom I turned into a walk-in closet) is full of clothes separated by several different factors.

I’ve got a long sleeve, polo, and hoodie standup wardrobe, a travel bag full of suits, a drawer of just things about Wisconsin, a drawer of shirts from places I’ve been that shares space with Summerfest shirts and undershirts, a drawer of miscellaneous tees, blood donation tees, and shirts given as gifts. In the guest room, due to overflow, I have a closet full of jerseys and Carhartt tees. Then there’s my actual closet with all my concert tees.

All 57 of them.

And now, like most things in my writing life, I’m going to rank them. I’m not sure why I enjoy ranking things, but I think it’s fun. It’s like keeping a giant rolodex of enjoyment in my head at all times. Was this really the best day ever? Let’s check the memory tape!

But first, the merch here is only what’s wearable, but not necessarily all the time, or even at all (bandanas). I am not including posters, pennants, or other signed stubs or stickers in this list. That’s probably for a new post I just thought of. Here’s my seeding of all of my concert shirts and why. Bracket posting soon, and then Facebook Story voting to follow.

Hats, Bandanas & Poor Hindsight Purchases

Bandanas, I have a few. If you’ve been to my house in the last 6 months you’d know I have hooks on my stairwell landing. That’s because I use bandanas as posters. They’re much cheaper, have uniform dimensions, and are pretty easily interchangeable once you get the holes right. My bandana list is expanding, but here’s what I’ve got so far. Willie Nelson, Megadeth, Bright Eyes, Twiddle, The Wallfolwers.

Hats, on the other head, aren’t really my thing anymore. I wore baseball caps all the time when I was trying to hide my baldness. Now, not so much. Except for the winter. I do love my beanies and pom-pom hats. My tour merch hat collection is pretty low. I have a corduroy Wallows hat that came with the VIP bag and poster, and a mewithoutyou winter cap.

Still Corners is an amazing English/American dream pop duo that sold a album cover stencil art on a navy tee that looked way better under the Pyramid Scheme lighting than it does anywhere else. If you’re not wearing it under direct sunlight, and nobody’s shadow is hovering over you, you might get to see the design in person.

These items will all be low seeds. Am I grateful I have them, of course. Well, maybe not the Wallows hat that I’ll never wear or the Still Corners tee which is basically an undershirt. They’ll be BIG underdogs in this tourney.

Naming the Regions

I tried to place all the tees based on where the bands are from instead of where I saw the show. Had I done the latter, the Midwest region would explode into a full-on countdown and frankly, I’ve done that kind of thing before. (Thanks, COVID).

The NCAA gets it right most of the time. I am still quite salty about Drake having to play Miami in Albany, New York this year despite Des Moines hosting a slate of games. Also, Wisconsin always got put in the West during their Bo Ryan Final Four runs. Or maybe that was just a ploy for Aaron Rodgers to get a new celebrity girlfriend?

Needless to say I’m much more considerate of these regions, though I did have to adjust a few bands based on where I saw the show, if said show was unique. Like, say, Lake Street Dive, a Maryland-based outfit that I saw at the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles. To the West they go.

For the remaining regions, we have conjunctions South/World and Northeast/Canada. Why isn’t Canada with the rest of the world? I only have two items from Canadian bands and six from UK/Australian acts. That gives me 8 of the necessary 16. It' was just easier to parcel the Canadians with the New Englanders and lump the rest together in a hodgepodge.

So, there you have it. In the next few days I’ll detail each region and put them all in a bracket. I’ll add photos and create Facebook stories for voting.

Plus, even if only three people read this, It’s not like it won’t make me buy new concert tees.