A pipsqueak of a human tried to rush into the bar yelling that she's 21. 

Actually, 23, her friend exclaimed.

But she came in from the rain missing one vital aspect her claim - the ID.

"I'm 21! I'm 21! I don't have to show you anything!"

"Call the law! Get them down here. I can prove it. I'll show them pictures."

"Call the LAW! I'll call my attorney and you can deal with the LAW!"

"It worked at the movie theater!"

A bar is not a movie theater.

A bar is also not a doctor's office.

"What's the co-pay?"

"Do you mean cover?"

"Um ... maybe."

A bar is not a rural farmhouse in Nebraska.

"Are you the guard dog?"

A bar is not a 4-hour waystation.

"How much for a Hennessy and Coke?"

"We don't have Hennessy."

"You have Crown (Royal)?"

"Yes."

"How much for that and coke?"

"Six dollars."

"Well, I don't have that!"

...

"Do you know what a bubble do?"

"What does a bubble do?"

"It formulate. It rise up. Then. IT BURSTS!"

"I'm not done formulating yet. So I ain' burst yet. But I'm about to at 1:30. Then we're going to have a talk. But you best stop pointing at me and disrespecting females. I see you with your umbrella. Disrespectful. You a MAN. You gon' BURST. I see you."

Three hours and 45 minutes later the man leaves. He was not present nor did I burst at 1:30. He did finagle about 40 free cigarettes, though, albeit after he finished his half-drunk bottle of Hennessy he was holding during the entire opening conversation.

A bar is not a changing room.

A bar is not a fight club.

A bar is not a bread bin.

A bar, or rather my bar, is not a haven for minors.

A bar is not a sanctuary city.

A bar is not a roadside Tim Hortons.

A bar is not Thunderdome.

A bar is not a deli.

So why do people keep getting confused?

Friday Fake No. 1 (253): Oregon Trail

Date: October 13, 2017

Weather: Cool

Health: Good

Food: 100 Pounds

Next Landmark: 0 Miles

Everyone in your party has died

Many fake wagons fail to make it to my bar.

Friday Fake No. 2: (254): What's in a name?

Was it Stephanie or Stephi?  Either way, Facebook says it's Amanda.

Saturday Fakes Nos. 1 & 2 (255 & 256): Pennsylvania 2-0000

That's the state where the fakes were from, the amount of the fakes in one sweep and the combined IQ of dudebros holding said fakes.