Believe it or not, after seeing hundreds of shows these past … whole life…I have never been to Red Rocks.

It is hands down the best concert venue in the United States that I’ve seen. It’s better than any theater, and amphitheater, any dirty bar, you name it. It’s better.

So, after my long road trip in the Spring, I decided one more ridiculously expensive concert trip in the fall was totally worth it. I could’ve gone any week or weekend in September and been perfectly happy. With some tough choices, I landed on The National ft. Lucy Dacus on Monday, Sept. 12, and Bert Kreischer on Tuesday, Sept. 13.

Oh, and I did this other stuff, too.

Day 1, Saturday

Flew in, got settled for about 20 minutes, then immediately took a walking tour around the city. Also, I needed some things I forgot like toothpaste and sunscreen because it was unbearably hot and sunny the entire time.

On the advice of Sunshine, I stepped out of my comfort zone and saw the EDM act Minnesota. Unbeknownst to me, you apparently don’t go to EDM shows early and see all the openers. Because they all play for an hour.

This was a long night.

Day 2, Sunday

Baseball Day!

Have to see a baseball game, especially at a new stadium, every city I visit. Coors Field made No. 11 on my list and I took it all in with at least one Tall Boy Coors. (Yes, that is the big can in the photo.)

I know they played the Diamondbacks (where I’ve also been to) but couldn’t tell you who won if my life depended on it.

After the game I stopped by a Packer bar to watch them lose to the Vikings, and then proceeded to wash away my sorrows with like 6 or 7 breweries.

Day 3, Monday

Museum Day!

Not to dismiss ballparks, but museums are more fun.

Yes, I know. Ask anyone around. I’ve always been like 50 years old.

First up was the Denver Art Museum, which had huge sections of cultural and indigenous artwork. Then there was a contemporary museum which I didn’t get pictures of. Also the library was funky looking, as was the “art hotel.” Both of those were short-lived as I kept getting nosebleeds.

Seven or eight in total for the trip. Not fun.

That night it was The National at Red Rocks. Man, I should’ve stretched a lot more before leaving the hotel.

Day 4, Tuesday

Mom-Assigned Mandatory Rest Day!

Go to the park she said. It will be relaxing she said.

Yes, it was both of those things. Before the nosebleeds happened. The last one was so bad, and it happened in such a remote part of the riverwalk, that the only help I got to control the bleeding was my portable carabiner-clipped water bottle and alcohol swabs the homeless helper team gave out so the destitute wouldn’t use dirty injection sites.

In hindsight, I, too, would’ve been more afraid of the giant with bloody arms emerging from the riverbend than a pack of strung out homeless people.

I finally found an organic grocery store that let me wash up before finding the Blue Moon brewery. I wasn’t headed there, but it was sure nice not to be covered in blood in an air conditioned room before I found the nearest train station.

That night, the last night, was Tops Off at Red Rocks. If you like comedy even in the slightest, go see Bert. Best comedy show of all time. He had a DJ, the poster is numbered 169/300, Shane Gillis and Mark Normand opened, I got a souvenir aluminum RR cup and a guitar pick, and enough people left for some reason that they pushed my row right to the center. He also had a Tops Off cam. Only fat men allowed. It was awesome.