There’s a joke that comics share that’s not really a joke. The punchline is already in the title. The Aristocrats is a family act that presents itself in front of a talent agency looking for a new act.

I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details but essentially each comic tries to lure you down a hole of greater and greater depravity before finally relenting. The talent agent, horrified by what they’ve seen, ask what the act is called, and the family, who’s just spent the last 30 minutes sexually and immorally degrading themselves with each other says, “The Aristocrats!”

They actually made a movie about it..

And I thought I had some material about family of like 10 or 12 that came up a few weekends ago and offered up trades for one of the kids’ IDs.

Sparrow and I had an 11-ID weekend, with 10 on Friday alone, tied for the most ever on one day. I had eight while Sparrow got two, and most were from a party bus that basically wanted to use the bathroom.

We were already having a great night before a PG-13 group of Aristocrats came.

The birthday boy didn’t actually turn 21 until midnight (yes, I am one of those sticklers), and midnight was 44 minutes away. Instead of going somewhere else for a little while, the entire party — Pops, Mama Bear, some friends, a Cuzzo, a girlfriend, maybe a sibling, who knows — decide to wait it out in the external patio.

The elders go in and grab shots for the group while a friend pops up with a truly awful Ohio ID. It’s not even printed on the right material, for starters, and it goes downhill from there. We pocket it and it starts an hour-long volley of barbs and trade offer to get it back. I know I’m not going to give it back, but I think they really thought they got me to turn.

Here’s what they offered for the cheap AF ID:

• $20, then $40, then $100 … and then down back to $40.

• Cuzzo brought out the Tik Tok account and offered up space for this blog to his 162k followers.

This was at least creative, but I don’t need thousands of Tokkers on this blog, as their ilk is basically the butt of every single joke on here.

• Pops then came out swinging, “The girls will show you their tits!”

I’m pretty sure one of them was his son’s girlfriend and the other was his daughter. And then, ya know, his wife. No offense to “the girls” but it wouldn’t have been much of a show.

When this didn’t seem to work, Mom came over and asked, “Are you gay?”

My brain immediately went to “Nobody take their dicks out!”

Because, when one is so easily offered and rejected, the alternative, and sometimes opposite must be applied. Mama Bear wasn’t going in that direction. She thought I must’ve really wanted to see the communion wafers underneath their blouses.

And then the birthday kid never went in! That's some bullshit right there.