This year I am thankful for many things. A loving family, a great mom, gainful employment, friends and a bounty of stories to tell.

The road to 300 was a lot smoother than the road to 100 and 200. It was more of an express lane, considering it took me from Aug. 5 to Nov. 22 to reach another century of fake-taking goodness.

So in the time of thanks, here is an additional list of people who I am thankful for this past weekend and the busiest bar night in America.

286: Bait and Switch

Sometimes you see a very young woman walk up and think, "she'd got the fake," but then the boyfriend is the young gun!

287: Eye Only Have Eyes For Me

Nobody has brown contacts besides people on the lam in a Tom Cruise sci-fi movie. And the refusal to move a contact isn't as complicated as "taking a shower, then using two eye droppers in front of a mirror twice a day for the last 10 years." She has a painful routine and should probably wear glasses.

288: Friendly Fire

Don't you hate it when your friend calls you by your real name when trying to pass off another girl's ID?

289: Illinoying

By not getting drunk in a bar on Friday he'll be a real downer when on Saturdays for the Boys. (I still don't understand what this means, but I see it on Twitter all the time)

290: The Dog's Name

Just because you say you're from Indiana doesn't mean you're from Indiana.

291: Phone Booted

A friend left her phone in an Uber, which was a shame because they needed that car to get back to wherever the heck they came from when I took one of their group's IDs.

292-296: Apple Dumbass Gang

If I'm holding an ID in my hand while asking others for theirs, the second person should be aware I'm onto them, shouldn't they? Apparently not, as I took five in one go. I was only the second time I've managed to swipe five in one group and put me at six for the Saturday night before 10:30 p.m.

297: Tall Tales

5-foot-3 plus 2-inch heels equals 5-5, not 5-9.

298: Not the Brightest Electrician

This young man started off my Birthday night with a bang. After a slow three hours, something about this ID wasn't clicking for me. I asked a few simple probing questions, and his story ultimately fell apart. First, he was a local college student, then he just out of college and a full-time electrician. 

Until he decided to change it and run straight toward crazy town.

After five minutes he comes back to the front of the line.

"So, here's what happened. My friend lost his phone, so I gave him my phone, so he could contact his family, so all of his emails, contacts, and Facebook is turned to his profile and not mine. And now I can't remember how to get my stuff back on my phone."

Peanut: "It took you five minutes to come up with that shitty story?"

299: Maize & Blues

Spending years on top of the 'can't be faked list,' Michigan is a having a revival, of sorts, as a player in fake IDs. Most are bad, like this one.

300: Monumental Occasion

The celebration of my 100th was a cake. The 200th was a great cake-mix confection topped with Swedish Fish. At 300, I celebrated with Chardonnay. 

The distinct pleasure of 300 went to a man with an expired ID, unaware of how old the person on said ID was. 

"How old are you?"

"23"

The person will turn 23 in 2018. Deep into 2018.

301: A New Era

Very rarely do I see out-of-state IDs on Thanksgiving. Usually, all of the college students go home, leaving all in-staters returning to spend time with their families.

So an Ohio and a New York (302) stand out plenty when the preceding 75 IDs are all from the same state.

302: A New York State of Mind

Funny thing about New York fakes, they bend without breaking. Funny thing about real New YYork IDs, they snap in half at the slightest bend.

303: To Be, Connor McGregor Not to Be.

"What are you going to do about it?" said the short Irishman, confused as to why I was taking the ID he brought. 

"Because, A, it's not you, and two, it's also fake."

"No, it's not. It's a real ID. I'm from South Carolina!"

"OK, South Carolina. Where do you go to school?"

"Clemson."

"OK, let me check Google."

Taller, nondescript foreign friend: "Are you going to trust Google over him?"

"It's Google, so yeah. Oh, it looks like Abe's really from Northern Michigan and goes to (LOCAL COLLEGE). Isn't that strange? Nowhere does it mention Clemson at all."

"Where did you find that out, Google? Or Wikipedia? The internet is always wrong."

"This is the (LOCAL COLLEGE)'s soccer roster. Which both of you are on."

"But that's MY ID!"

The colors are off, too faded, with poor font matching. I bend the ID and the laminate peels. During this point, McGregor is being held back because another patron we had to kick out was trying to goad him into a fight. McGregor is roughly 5-5 and 130 pounds while the patron was at least 6-3 225.

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

I started shouting, this was getting ridiculous. I've never seen someone get so worked up over another person's fake ID. Especially from a person, not from this country. What was really at stake? The original kid probably spent $30 on a cheap fake. It's not the end of the world.

It's only Wednesday.

Snacks, Stuffing and Other Tidbits

• Don't urinate on cars. Specifically, don't get out of a party bus, urinate on a car and suffer splashback onto your blue button-down bro-ing out shirt.
• Don't hang around the bar waiting for your friends and/or girlfriend if you know they either already left or don't have any.
• If you see a trash can on fire, please ask someone to put it out. Shoutout to Peanut on the fast action.
• The phrases "But my (INSERT FAMILY MEMBER/SIGNIFICANT OTHER) is in there" never works. You know what does work? This line from Wayne's World 2.

• Holding up a text message from a woman I don't know that only says "Are you in Michigan?" and then asking "Will this work?" is very confusing. Why would acknowledging he's in Michigan help him in a situation where he was being kicked out of a bar? 
• Birthday Questions > How tall are you questions
• I don't know who the Mops are, or if they're coming to arrest me.
• Wear a jacket. It's cold outside.